Digimon Adventure S01E34

Gatomon stakes out the Kamiya household, trying to decide if their service to Grand Empress Miiko is up to code given they are a private residence and not a licensed business. She is interrupted by her colleague, Wizardmon, who is immediately unhelpful, so he fucks off. While fucking off, he comes across a crow’s nest and decides to cross it off his evening inspection list. There, he finds some interesting contraband: a Digivice! He confiscates it before he himself is suddenly interrupted by his colleague, DemiDevimon. Realizing then that interrupting co-workers isn’t funny when it happens to him, he tricks DemiDevimon into taking some special green chile sauce he confiscated from a previous stop, which the line cooks insisted was not alcohol at all.

He turns the Digivice in to Gatomon, and the two of them confront Kari about her service to the Grand Empress. Gatomon realizes that she belongs not with the Health Department, but in the monarchy – endlessly spoiled and pampered by lesser beings! She and Wizardmon return to the Health Department’s temporary Real World Field Office to submit their resignations. Myotismon graciously accepts, Wizardmon goes for a celebratory swim, and Gatomon joins Myotismon to complete her exit interview and assist with hiring her replacement.

Matt recaps the previous episode for us, and he throws out “bat-for-brains” when referring to Myotismon. Myotismon has, of course, outwitted him and his friends at pretty much every turn, so nice self-burn there, Matt.

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[Taichi is on the phone with Jou and asks for a progress update re: finding the eighth child]
Jou: “But I’ve called everyone in all of the phone books! The only phone book left is yours, Taichi.”
Taichi: “Oh, I see… I wonder where I put that thing…“
Jou: “There aren’t any other leads now, so make sure you find it!”
Joe: “Well, whoever it is, they weren’t in my address book! Check your own book before you start yelling at me!”
Tai: “Oh, that’s right! What did I do with my book, anyway? Uh…”
Joe: “You still haven’t found it? Oh, great! It’s only the future of the world depending on you!”

Either Joe has forgotten that he called all the numbers in everyone’s address books, not just his own, or he’s casually admitting to Tai that he threw the other kids’ books in a dumpster on his way home. Either way, who can blame him?

[Taichi is searching for his address book. Hikari and Miiko stand by, judging him]
Hikari: (to Miiko) “Big Brother’s stuff is just a mess, eh?”
Kari: “Miiko, Tai’s room is messier than your litter box! Heheh!”

At least Miiko covers it up when she shits in the litter box!

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Narrator: “Outside, Tailmon was watching Taichi and all from a building opposite theirs. Although she thought Hikari could be the eighth child, Tailmon wasn’t able to attack her.”
Gatomon: “If Kari really is the eighth DigiDestined child, then I have to destroy her… but every time I see her, I get this strange sensation. I still don’t understand why I wasn’t able to attack her when I had the chance.”

“Also, how did I know her name? Nobody has told it to me.”

Tailmon: “Why? Why couldn’t I do it when I was there?” *spies at Miiko* “A pet cat, huh? She has it so easy. She’s given food and takes naps. Sometimes she’ll give love to her owners… That’s right, I’m being biased.”
Gatomon: “What happened? I could have stopped the DigiDestined once and for all, but something was pulling me away…” *spies at Miiko* “Look at that little pet cat over there! She’s got it so easy. She gets fed gourmet food out of a can. Then she gets to chase a sock all day! Talk about a purr-fect life.”

Eh. The sock could be softer.

Tailmon’s Child form, Plotmon, is renamed to Salamon in the dub. Rumor has it the writing team named her after their director’s cat, and their director is terrible at naming cats.

(7 seconds) Vamdemon raises his arm, then he starts beating Plotmon with Bloody Stream like a jerk! She falls down the steps, then pulls herself up.

The dub cuts out after Myotismon raises his arm and skips straight to after Salamon picks herself up and glares at him.

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(another 7 seconds) Vamdemon continues beating her because he’s a dick. It’s not even doing anything at this point! Fuckin’ chill, mon!

The dub removes the continued beatings because Myotismon is… well, he’s just as abusive to his employees, but not as often on-camera.

Wizarmon: “Thinking of old times?”
Tailmon: “Haven’t I told you to stop looking into my heart?!”
Wizarmon: “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
Wizardmon: “Thinking about the good old days?”
Gatomon: “I’m not going to tell you again, Wizardmon. Don’t read my thoughts without my permission!”
Wizardmon: “I’m sorry, Gatomon. Please forgive me.”

1) Yeah, Wizar(d)mon, you creep. 2) Wait, why would she ever give Wizardmon permission to read her thoughts?

Wizarmon is bestowed the ‘d’ from the word ‘dub’, and his name becomes Wizardmon. The ‘dub’, regrettably, becomes the ‘ub’. He doesn’t get a Digimon Analyzer screen! IS HE A DIGIMON AT ALL?!?

… yeah, he is. He probably just didn’t send in his profile in by the deadline. His special attack, Thunder Cloud, becomes “Magical Game” in the ub, and he uses another attack called “Thunder Ball”.

For his voice: it’s not at all bad, but there’s something off about it. He sounds like a normal, soft-spoken young man in the original. In the ub, it’s like his voice actor gets the right tone, but he somehow makes Wizardmon sound much older – like he’s trying to do the “old man wizard” bit.

He reminds me a little bit of Shadow Weaver from She-ra and the Princesses of Power, but he’s not amazingly drawn-out and dramatic.

[Wizarmon is caught firing magic balls at a helpless crow by PicoDevimon, who pressures him into ‘fessing up on what he was doing]
Wizarmon: “Well, I did find something!”
PicoDevimon: “What?”
Wizarmon: “This world is more fun than I thought!” *pulls a bottle of sake out from under his cape* “I got kinda drunk.” *HIC*
Wizardmon: “All right… If I show you, you have to promise not to tell anyone!”
DemiDevimon: “Come on, show me!”
Wizardmon: “All right.” *pulls out a bottle of “chile sauce”* “It’s a bottle of green chile sauce. It’s great on tacos!”

Aw, hell yeah! I love green chile sauce! Give it here!

PicoDevimon: “Not you, too! Keep it up, and you’ll be punished just like Pumpmon and Gotsumon!”
Wizarmon: “Please don’t tell Lord Vamdemon about this, okay?”
DemiDevimon: “What are you doing eating on the job when there’s work to be done? You should be looking for the eighth DigiDestined child like the others!”
Wizardmon: “Please don’t tell Lord Myotismon. Why don’t you get rid of this for me?”

THIS ISN’T CHILE SAUCE

PicoDevimon: “Yeah, yeah.” *flies away* “Jeez, the friends Tailmon brought along are just worthless!”
DemiDevimon: “All right. Boy, you know what I hope? I hope that the all-night drive through is still open!”

TACO TUESDAY IS RUINED.

In the ub, the news report starts with a new line about horses being in stable condition, and we never learn what happened to the poor horses. It then continues with the same information provided in the original about the monster attacks, but they widen the location to the “Tokyo area” instead of specifying that the incident happened in Shibuya (a special ward in Tokyo).

Tai then answers Matt’s call on the phone, and Matt calls Shibuya “downtown”, which… it isn’t…

[Taichi is on the phone with Yamato, and he has just learned that Yamato was involved in the incident on the news]
Yamato: “Vamdemon attacked us. He killed his own minions!”
Taichi: “What?!”
Yamato: “Taichi, we really don’t know what he’ll do! We need to find the eighth child quickly!”
Taichi: “We definitely have to find the eighth child before Vamdemon does!”
Matt: “Right, it was Myotismon, and was he on the warpath! He even got rid of two of his own
flunkies! Tai, I don’t know how much time we’ve got left. I’m telling you, we’ve got to hurry up
and find that eighth child!”
Tai: “Myotismon’ll mangle ’em! I mean, if he finds ’em before we do!”

He’ll just send them to a dungeon, right? It’s fine! At least then you’ll know where the eighth child is!

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[Wizarmon approches Tailmon with some news]
Tailmon: “Is that you, Wizarmon? What’s the matter? Have you found the eighth child?”
Gatomon: “Wizardmon, what is it now? Go away, before I use you as my scratching post!”

Gatomon, seriously! There are kids watching this!

Wizardmon calls the Ariake Forest the “Iraki Woods”, which… Good effort.

“Ariake Forest” (Ariake no mori 「有明の森」) refers to the Ariake Tennis Park (Ariake TENISU no mori 「有明テニスの森」) in Ariake, Koto, Tokyo – another real place in Tokyo Bay, near to Odaiba.

http://www.tptc.co.jp/en/c_park/02_03

Okay, so Wizardmon’s recollection of his and Gatomon’s Super Pal Origin Story is almost 100% accurate except for one glaring, hilarious detail. Wizarmon walked to the town, then collapsed in the street and nearly died of exhaustion, starvation, and implied dehydration.

Wizardmon, however, walked to the town, as we saw, then he said he “fell from the sky and crashed“.

…….. HOW?!

Sometimes you just gotta go your own way. This was not one of those times.

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[Wizarmon unites Tailmon and Hikari. Agumon sees Hikari hanging out with the “wrong crowd” and calls Taichi to intervene]
Hikari: “It’s not like that, big brother! Tailmon was looking for the eighth child and…”
Kari: “No, they’re not! Gatomon has been searching for me! For me, and the eighth DigiDestined child!”

That’s right! After all this time and it not being completely fucking obvious, the eighth child is finally revealed to be…

MIIKO– OW! Okay, FINE! It’s Hikari. You’re no fun!

_{Don’t pick up cats by their armpits; their pectoral muscles connect to their front legs under there.}

… wait a minute, how does Hikari know Tailmon’s name?! Nobody says it during their conversation! Damn you and your clairvoyance, Hikari!

(1.5 seconds) Tailmon pushes Hikari out of the way of Agumon’s Baby Flame and gets knocked back into the balcony’s… um… half-wall thingy that keeps the death away. The ub replaces this with Tai yelling, asking Kari if she’s okay. Agumon fired right at her – you’d think he’d be more upset about that…

The amount of Tailmon abuse in this episode is TOO DAMN HIGH!

[Tailmon has been waiting for Hikari, and now they hug it out]
Hikari: “Tailmon… Big brother, Tailmon is my Digimon!”
Taichi: “Tailmon is Hikari’s Digimon?”
Wizarmon: “Yes. Hikari is the eighth Chosen Child.”
Kari: “You could have just called! Guess what, Tai? Gatomon’s my Digimon! Now I’ve got one, too!”
Tai: “Don’t be silly, Kari. That doesn’t make sense!”
Wizardmon: “It makes perfect sense, considering she’s the eighth DigiDestined.”

Yeah, Tai. Idiot.

Taichi: “Tailmon. Even if what you say is true, who is this guy?”
Tailmon: “Wizarmon is… He’s my friend. He’s also the one who found the Digivice.”
Tai: “Well, then why are you a part of Myotismon’s army? And just who is this guy?”
Gatomon: “He’s called Wizardmon. He put himself in great danger to bring me this Digivice. He’s my friend.”

He barely fought a crow and survived!

[Wizarmon gives Taichi the Digivice for safe-keeping]
Taichi: “Got it. I’ll hold onto this. So, what happens from here?”
Tai: “Okay, I’ll take it. But you better not be double-crossing us! What’s next?”

Ah, the ol’ “give the enemy what belongs to them” double-cross! Works every time!

[Byeee!]
Agumon: “They left.”
Taichi: “Will those guys be all right on their own?”
Agumon: “Can we trust them?”
Tai: “We have to. We have no choice.”

I mean… you could not trust them…

Wizarmon and Tailmon head back to base to sneak into Vamdemon’s bedroom and rummage through his underwear drawer, and…

Original: Wizarmon uses a spell to make the Bakemon guard forget what he was supposed to be doing.

ub: Wizardmon uses his attack, Thunder Ball, which is shockingly weak and only makes the Bakemon forget what he was doing.

In the ub, the Bakemon guard adds, “what a nice guy!” after Wizardmon tricks him. He doesn’t even know the half of it!

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[Inside Vamdemon’s room]
Tailmon: “Where’s the Crest? Wizarmon, we have to hurry!”
Gatomon: “Come on, Wizardmon. Let’s find the crest and cruise on out of here. This place gives me the creeps!”

If we’re talking about creeps: you’re the ones breaking into your boss’ bedroom.

[Wizarmon has located the real crest, but Vamdemon returns early!]
Vamdemon: “What are you planning to do after stealing the real Crest? Betrayal, isn’t it?” *crushes his copy*
Myotismon: “Do you think I’d just leave the original lying around for thieves like you?” *crushes the crest he’s holding, which is the original? or not?*

Yeah, that was confusing. Vamdemon DID keep the original Crest tucked safely under his pillow, and that’s what Wizarmon pocketed. Myotismon’s line, preceeded by Wizardmon muttering, “another copy!”, implies that he just crushed the original Crest, which he probably should have, but he did not. Wizarmon has the original.

[Tailmon glares at Vamdemon]
Vamdemon: “Those eyes again. I knew those eyes were as a blade pointed in my direction. But did you think something as small as you would be able to do anything against me?”
Myotismon: “Those eyes. From the first time you looked at me with those eyes, I knew you’d turn against me, and that is why I had to teach you by punishing you. I would have hurt you even more, but you became a good servant. But I promise you, I will not be so easy on you this time!”

Wait, if you knew she would turn against you, then why did you hire her?! And promote her to senior management, no less!

[Vamdemon has his adorable bats carry them outside and drop them]
Tailmon: “Keep it together, Wizarmon!”
Wizarmon: “Yeah…”
Vamdemon: “A play at beautiful friendship, huh?”
Tailmon: “What was that?!”
Vamdemon: “Since you get along so well, I’ll allow you to die together.”
Gatomon: “We really have to stay together!”
Myotismon: *laugh* “Those who play together, lose together!”
Gatomon: “I’m not afraid.”
Myotismon: “You soon will be, you pathetic little traitor!”

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[Now there’s lightning]
Vamdemon: “You should know what happens if you anger me!”
Myotismon: “Well, I hope you realize there’s no safe place to hide during this lightning storm!”

Well, I hope you realize that’s not true when you have a FARADAY CAGE– I don’t have a Faraday cage. Shit.

(1 second) MORE violence against Tailmon is censored when Vamdemon smacks her away.

Are you competing for Izzy’s spot on the shitlist?

[Vamdemon offers to kill Wizarmon]
Tailmon: “Stop! If you’re going to do that [kill someone], Vamdemon, do it to me!”
Gatomon: “Hey! Why don’t you pick on someone one tenth your size?”

He’s working his way down from 1/5th. Be patient.

[Tailmon has hope because she believes]
Vamdemon: “Because of trust in one another? Beautiful friendship? Such fleeting dreams are foolish. What place do dreams have here?”
Myotismon: “And just what have you really achieved? You believe in your worthless friends. And you believe that your dreams can come true. Dreams do not exist for the stupid!“

XD That’s my new tagline.

Tailmon goes in for another attack, and Vamdemon smacks her away again (seriously, Tailmon, try a different angle or something…). This time, the smack isn’t cut from the ub for some reason.

[Vamdemon threw Wizarmon in a lake]
Tailmon: “Wizarmon!!”
Gatomon: “No! Not that!”

There was PEEPEE in that lake!

[Vamdemon makes no attempt to see if Wizarmon could swim, or if he actually died, and then Taichi comes to save the daaaaay]
Vamdemon: “What an honor it is that you’ve come to me!”
Myotismon: “When will you DigiDestined ever learn?”

Hahahahaha, good one!

“Hey Digimon” starts up after Greymon evolves to MetalGreymon, the same time as Brave Heart. Did someone forget to tell the sound teams the heroes are failing right now? Put that shit away.

[Giga Destroyer did nothing, and MetalGreymon reverts to Agumon]
Vamdemon: “Did you think such childish tricks would be strong enough?”
Myotismon: “You impudent fool! Did you really think you could beat me with those pathetic little toys of yours?”

… you mean MetalGreymon? Or the missiles?

The scene of Hikari looking out over the balcony is moved from the end of the episode to after Agumon reverts in the ub.

Hikari: “Tailmon, you’ll come back, right? Come back… TAILMON!!”
Kari: “Oh… I wonder what’s taking them so long? Come back, Gatomon. I couldn’t stand it if anything happened to you! But I’m sure Tai and Agumon will take good care of you.”

They’ve got everything under control!

Taichi: “He’s tired from the endless battles we’ve fought. Hang in there, Agumon!”
Tai: “Nice try, buddy!”
Agumon: “DON’T PATRONIZE ME!”

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[Vamdemon figures out that Taichi wouldn’t be there to defend Tailmon if she weren’t the eighth Digimon]
Tailmon: “Wh-What are you talking about? I’m not the eighth Digimon!”
Vamdemon: “That’s what we’ll find out.”
Taichi: “What does that mean?”
Gatomon: “Hey! What they think is no business of yours! Go blow smoke somewhere else!”
Myotismon: “You will pay for your impudence!”
Tai: “Just what do you mean?!”

Impudence, Tai. Not impotence.

Vamdemon: “I’ll use Tailmon to lure out the eighth child. I’ll gather the children, and she’ll meet them all face-to-face. Even without the Crest, I’ll find the eighth child soon!”
Taichi: “That’s low, Vamdemon!”
Vamdemon: “We’ll meet again.”
Myotismon: *laugh* “I hope you like fishing, Gatomon, because you’re going to be the perfect bait to lure out the eighth DigiDestined child. Now, I don’t need the Crest to find that cowardly, puny human!”
Tai: “That’s not fair, Myotismon!”
Myotismon: “I don’t play fair!”

Tai, were you not listening when Matt warned you that he “got rid of” two of his own employees? I mean… I… well… … okay, that doesn’t really tell you anything, BUT STILL!