The Castle of Darkness; Vamdemon (JP)
The Gateway to Home (EN)
JP: Hiro MASAKI
EN: Rebecca Olkowski and John Ludin
JP: September 21, 1999
EN: November 20, 1999
Frustrated over the loss of Sora’s employment and their only source of income, the DigiDestined ring up Jennai to find out how to file for unemployment, and Jennai reveals that Myotismon lives in a castle and has all kinds of neat, gankable stuff. Determined to overthrow the bourgeoisie, they borrow Jennai’s wigs and send Agumon and Palmon to boot camp to ensure their success. Unfortunately, through a series of irresponsible and ill-advised shenanigans, their drill sergeant drinks himself unconscious.
They make their way into the castle, tilting every painting on their way in, and Jou tries to break into Myotismon’s Room of Secrets (the secret is that it’s just a supply closet and he lost the key). Eventually, they come across Myotismon, who is preparing to depart with the Digital World Health Department’s newest employees for New-Hire Orientation in the Real World. The kids decide to forego larceny in favor of just straight-up eating the rich, but Myotismon, ever the diligent worker, advises them to wait until after close of business. He then leaves to participate in his new staff’s training, because he is an active and engaged boss.
[Jou lifted some bags from the restaurant]
Gomamon: “I thought you were all seriousness, Jou!”
Jou: “Yeah, well… Mimi, cheer up.”
Gomamon: “Gee, now you’ll be able to go soak your head the next time you have an allergy attack!”
Joe: “Right. That was so funny, I forgot to laugh.”
[Mimi is displeased]
Mimi: “But now that Vamdemon’s appeared, we’ll have to keep running just like with Etemon, won’t we?”
Mimi: “Now that Myotismon’s chasing us, we’re gonna have to keep running like a bunch of crazed shoppers at the mall. He’s just a big creep, if you ask me.”
A big creep who has all the hot sales…
Taichi: “What? Just for the time being!”
Palmon: “We’ll have to have guts!”
Tai: “Yeah, he’s small potatoes for us.”
Palmon: “My wish is to never see him again, period.”
But he said there’s a sale on potatoes, Palmon! We need to stock up!
[Taichi wants food, but Gennai is calling!]
Mimi, Jou and Tai: “Gennai?”
(Mimi, Joe, and Tai say the following at the same time, which… why would you do that?)
Mimi: “Is this a scheduled visit?”
Joe: “Hope he found us a way to get out of here!”
Tai: “What is it this time?”
Glad to see someone FINALLY cares about the meeting calendar, though!
[Welcome back, holo-Gennai]
Taichi: “Hey, gramps, what is it this time?”
Tai: “Don’t keep us all in suspense! What’s this all about, anyway?”
He kept Tai waiting exactly 1.4 seconds.
[Good news or bad news first?]
Jou: “I’d like to say leave the good news for last, but…”
Yamato: “We’ll end up disappointed either way, so let’s hear the good news first.”
Joe: “Save the good news for last. I hate being depressed.”
Matt: “He’s a basket case. Anyway, let’s start with the good news.”
Wait, who is Matt calling a basket case? Joe or Jennai? Not saying he’s wrong either way – just wondering.
Gennai: “Okay. Then I’ll start with the good news. The truth is, I’ve found you a new teammate.”
Sora: “Teammate? A Chosen Child?”
Jennai: “Actually, you all look like you could use some cheering up. I’ve been told another child will be joining your group.”
Sora: “Another child? Who tells you these things, anyway?”
Gennai: “Right. The truth is the Chosen Children are eight people.”
Jennai: “Well, this is someone you shall want as a friend. This someone is a DigiDestined.”
All: *amazed muttering*
Why are we all so surprised by this? Why else would another child be joining the group? It’s not like they offer internships.
Gennai: “What’s important is that without all eight people, the distortions in this world won’t be corrected. The distortions in your world also won’t be corrected. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Jennai: “The important thing to remember is that all eight of you must be together. As long as you are separated, the worlds will not be in harmony with each other. Everything will go wacko, so we must find that other child as soon as possible.”
Don’t try to pick up the youth lingo, mon. I tried it once. It was not groovy.
Taichi: “Of course.”
Takeru: “But I wonder what kind of person they are!”
Mimi: “I want to meet them soon!”
Tai: “How do we do that?”
T.K.: “I hope it’s someone my size.”
Mimi: “I hope she’s my size, so we can swap clothes.”
I hope they’re somebody my size. No particular reason – it’d just be funny.
In the original, Gennai stalls, then admits he doesn’t know the eighth Chosen Child’s name.
In the dub, he goes, “Er, the name? It’s… … I forgot.” XD It’s timed and delivered perfectly for optimal hilarity.
Jennai tells the kids that their new member is in someplace called… Juhp-an? Jarpin? Nippon? Am I saying that correctly? That HAS to be a made-up place, right? I mean, there’s no place like that in America, where the children who were introduced as having distinctly not-English names and so they answer to nicknames are EXTREMELY from! Or maybe he’s saying the child is in “‘ja pants”, and it’s actually a terrible joke.
Either way: weird move on the writers’ part to introduce Japan now and continue to pretend the cast isn’t from there.
[the fuck is a Japan?]
Agumon: “It’s the world Taichi and the others are originally from.”
Agumon: “Japan’s a big island in the Far East.”
Good thing Agumon has a Fantasy Island Geology degree!
Koushirou: “Oh yeah. Agumon, you went there, didn’t you?”
Izzy: “Agumon and Tai were transported there when our two worlds converged.”
That’s ridiculous. How’d they get to Tai’s family’s apartment from an island in the Far East?!
Jou: “But… then we can’t get to them…”
Joe: “If they ever converge again, maybe we’ll all get to go home.”
Maybe if your home is in this “JAPAN”, which is just ridiculous!
Gennai: “Don’t be so disappointed.”
Taichi: “Well? What’s the bad news?”
Gennai: “Eh, Vamdemon already knows what I’ve just told you.”
Jennai: “Remember, that was the good news.”
Tai: “Can’t wait to hear the bad…”
Jennai: “Myotismon has heard of the eighth child and will be going to Japan soon.”
I like how Jennai says it – like Myotismon’s going to Japan on vacation or something. He’s just going to snap a few photos of the eighth DigiDestined, enjoy some local cuisine, check out a few hot springs, and then kill the fuck out of everyone.
Gennai: “He’s gathering soldiers to go to Japan and find and kill the child.”
Taichi: “Eh? Vamdemon is going to Japan?!”
Jennai: “He’s gathering his forces as we speak. If he gets to the child first, both of our worlds will be doomed.”
Tai: “Doomed? We need some spies on the inside!”
Uh… weird conclusion, but okay…
As the scene pans up to show Vamdemon’s castle of doom, the original plays the track Spreading Anxiety (hirogaru fuan 「広がる不安」), which is as spooky as it is ting-y, with its high-note “tings” and such. In the dub, a wolf (Wolfmon?) howls.
[Meanwhile, at Vamdemon’s castle, aforementioned forces gather]
PicoDevimon: “Just a bunch of good-for-nothings…”
Nanimon: “Nothing to worry about! I’ll whip them into shape!”
DemiDevimon: “AAH! The noodle-brainer team!”
Nanimon: “Don’t worry; I’ll whip ’em all into shape! These dweebs’ll be unbeatable when I get through with ’em!”
In the scene where we pan across the new recruits, in the dub, they all make… sounds. Like… I don’t even know. They’re vocalizing. Not groaning, moaning, or singing – just… “eeeuueeeehhh”…
Maybe my dream has finally come true, and they’re all audio editors and engineers who attempt to greet one another by imitating the Wilhelm Scream (it’s their secret handshake), but no one can get it right, so they all stand around screaming at each other for hours.
They were silent in the original, mouths open and all. Even their jaws are weak!
Narrator: “What’s this ‘mon [nani mon’]?! No, that’s his name. A drifter whose real identity is unknown, his nickname is ‘old man’. His special attack is Poop.”
DemiDevimon: “Nanimon is an invader Digimon. I’d tell him what I really think about his sunglasses, but his Power Punch would flatten me!”
You should try the Power Punch – it’s delicious! … And like 40% alcohol, so yes – it will flatten you!
[ReggaePalmon and PunkAgumon enter the scene]
ReggaePalmon: “Hey, is it true you’re looking for soldiers?”
PunkAgumon: “Can we join?”
Nanimon: “Who are you guys?”
Nanimon: “Can I help you two?”
ReggaePalmon: “We’re a couple of renegade soldiers looking for a battle to fight.”
PunkAgumon: “We may look silly, but underneath our cool exterior, we’re fightin’ machines.”
Nanimon: “Is that so? Who are you?”
Though lacking the standard-issue mohawk, “PunkAgumon” and “ReggaePalmon” keep their names in the dub.
Nanimon: (thinking) “They might be better than these guys…” (aloud) “Okay, come on over!”
Nanimon: (thinking) “What a couple of weirdos.” (aloud) “You’re perfect! I’ll take ya.”
Dub Nanimon gets it!
[Vamdemon is sitting in his… uh… boudoir, and PicoDevimon enters to give him a report]
PicoDevimon: “Lord Vamdemon, I’m reporting in. Soldiers are gathering here one after another.”
DemiDevimon: “Myotismon, I have some good news to report. The soldiers are assembled and we’re ready to move out!”
Uh, you might want to remember what happened three minutes ago, DemiDevimon. You’re still in the ‘recruitment’ and ‘training’ phases…
Vamdemon: “Do they seem useful?”
Myotismon: “Are they worthy of me?”
DemiDevimon: “Are any of us?”
Myotismon: “Hm. Good point. Call up the print shop and cancel our order for the retirement plan booklets.”
DemiDevimon: “Yes, my master!”
Tailmon: *laughs* “You call those guys soldiers, huh?”
PicoDevimon: “Wh-Who’s there?”
Gatomon: “They’re a bunch of helpless sea slugs if you want my opinion.”
DemiDevimon: “Who are you?!”
Gatomon: “Greetings, little blue one!”
Some sea slugs, incidentally, are extra-toxic! I guess that’s why she specified “helpless”.
Narrator: “Tailmon: she looks like a cute kitty, but pretty roses have thorns! With her long, sharp claws, her special attack, Cat [Neko] Punch, holds considerable power.”
DemiDevimon: “Gatomon might look like a harmless little kitty, but deep down inside, she’s an out-of-control wild cat! Don’t ever cross her path!”
Tailmon becomes Gatomon in the dub, and she is granted a cat-like voice in lieu of her original normal woman voice. She does have a cute laugh, though. Otherwise, it uh… it doesn’t stay cute for long.
Her attack, Cat Punch, becomes Lightning Paw in the dub. Cat Punch is frequently localized as Neko Punch, but neko 「猫」 means ‘cat’.
Gato is Spanish for “cat”. The name Tailmon doesn’t have an explicit explanation, but it may be in reference to her Holy Ring, which she wears on her tail.
Tailmon: “Are you making second-stringers out of those practice idiots?”
PicoDevimon: “Let me tell you something…!”
Tailmon: “What? Want to go?”
Gatomon: “Just where did you manage to find that group of goof balls, anyway?”
DemiDevimon: “Err! You could do better? Err!”
Gatomon: “With my paws tied.”
DemiDevimon: “She’s an out-of-control wild cat! Don’t fuck with her!”
Also DemiDevimon: *IMMEDIATELY proceeds to fuck with her*
Vamdemon: “Quit it. More importantly, Tailmon, have you found anyone we can use?”
Tailmon: “Yes. As you ordered, I’ve looked around the world and scouted a large number of such.”
Myotismon: “Gatomon, don’t waste your time on him. Have you done what I’ve asked of you?”
DemiDevimon: “Huh? “
Gatomon: “Yes. PURR your instructions, I searched everywhere and found the most ferocious Digimon I could find. You’ll be very pleased!”
She found the most ferocious Digimon she found, eh?
Vamdemon: “I look forward to seeing how much of use they are.”
Tailmon: “Yes, sir!”
Myotismon: “I knew I could trust you, Gatomon. I look forward to meeting them.”
I know they’re PAWSitively thrilled to meet MEW.”
Myotismon: “Stop that.”
[A Bakemon appears]
Bakemon：”Lord Vamdemon, I’m sorry to suddenly interrupt.”
And then Myotismon asks him, “What is it?”, and HE JUST HAS A NORMAL-ASS VOICE
IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL THING I’VE EVER SEEN!
[Meanwhile, the Children confer with Gennai]
Koushirou: “Then, the reason why Vamdemon left PicoDevimon to deal with us was because he was busy making preparations to open the Gate.”
Gennai: “That’s right.”
Izzy: “My theory is that Myotismon sent DemiDevimon to distract us while he stayed behind to prepare the gate, truly an ingenious plan on his part.”
Jennai: “A good theory, indeed. Not bloody fucking obvious at all.”
Taichi: “But what are Agumon and Palmon doing? They disguised themselves to enlist in the army and help us sneak in, but they haven’t shown themselves at all yet.”
Tai: “Agumon and Palmon have certainly been gone a long time. It’s not that I’m worried, it’s just that, well, I hope they’re looking for the location of the gate.”
You should be worried, because you forgot to tell them about the gate.
[Back to Palmon and Agumon at Basic Training]
Palmon: “We really don’t want to be doing this…”
Agumon: “It can’t be helped!”
Nanimon: “Okay, next: hop like rabbits!”
Nanimon: “Got it? Open those ears and listen! On the battle field, the tough guys survive! Get tough, shut your mouths, and give it your all!”
Numemon (1): “‘Give it your all’?? They still haven’t given us any food!”
Palmon: “I’m… wilting! I wanna get out of here NOW!”
Nanimon: “Now, hop like Bunnymon!”
Numemon: *grunt* “C’mon, c’mon!”
Nanimon: “Get the jelly out of your legs! I want you guys to be tough! This battle’s gonna be big, so get with it, you worthless warts! You gotta try like you never tried before!”
Numemon (1): “He’s right; we never tried before!”
Numemon (2): “So why should we start now?”
These Numemon get it.
Palmon: “With this, we won’t get to sneak everyone inside…”
Agumon: “We have to do something about Nanimon.”
Palmon: “I’d like to soak in a hot tub for about two months.”
Agumon: “I’ve got blisters on my blisters.”
Sukamon: “I was in the same squad as him once.”
Sukamon: “Even though he was a real monster, he’d always drink too much sake before a real battle and end up not doing anything!”
Chuumon: “We should make him drink sake!”
Sukamon: “I think we have to stop this guy and ♪I know how to do it♪!”
Sukomon: “I was a soldier with him before. He likes to drink soda, but the bubbles go right to his head and make him as dipsy as a Doodlemon.”
Chuumon: “He gets real kooky and he’ll do anything you want!”
Sake「酒」is Japanese rice wine. Most sake is not carbonated, thus delivering zero bubbles for the brain kookification that wouldn’t happen anyway. It is, however, anywhere from 15-20% alcohol by volume, and it will easily cause brain drunkification.
Palmon: “He’s a drinker, huh?”
Agumon: “That just might work! We’ll give him sake and make him drink himself to sleep!”
Sukamon: “Good thinking!”
Chuumon: “Nice idea!”
Palmon: “Even let us escape?”
Agumon: “I must be exhausted.”
Agumon: “I thought I saw a little pink thing pop up and talk to us.”
Sukamon: “His stomach will fill with bubbles.”
Chuumon: “Yeah! He’s sure to explode!”
Wait a minute, is that a fart joke?!
Agumon: “But he’ll notice if we try to slip away…”
Palmon: “That’s true…”
Agumon: “But if it explodes, won’t he make us hang around and clean it up?”
Palmon: “You’re nutsy.”
Nope, it was a shart joke. Ew.
[A Numemon volunteers and delivers sake from above]
Nanimon: “What’s this? It’s… It’s sake!!” *chug chug* “Delicious! There’s so much sake!”
Nanimon: “What? What in the world? Oh, boy! Me likes orange!” *chug*
… That doesn’t explain anything!
The kanji on the sake bottles is all censored because it was totally legible to all American children.
Well, now he’s just littering!
The original music as Nanimon sequentially drinks and/or quadruple-fists several bottles of sake is festive. The dub music… passes. For the dub music’s standards, at least. It’s not as fun.
[Nanimon has sequentially drank and/or quadruple-fisted several bottles]
Nanimon: “Oh no! My body is moving on its own!” *dances* “Ha~! I feel great!”
Nanimon: “Hey, anybody wanna go dancin’?” *dances* “Ha~! Love that soda!”
No, seriously. He passes out after consuming a lot of sugar? You need to get him to a doctor.
As ReggaePalmon and PunkAgumon make their escape, ReggaePalmon adds, “Bubble fizz won’t last forever!” That may be true, but taking advantage of a diabetic will land you in Hell forever, ReggaePalmon!
[Palmon and Agumon rejoin their friends]
Palmon: “Sorry for the wait!”
Palmon: “Sorry; we had a big bruiser on our hands!”
Well, I hope you washed them!
[Cut to Vamdemon, who now has some cards]
Vamdemon: “The key is within my grasp. Once I understand the hidden meaning of these cards, they must be placed in the appropriate order. Then the door to the other world will open. Chosen Children, no matter how far you come, it is already too late.”
Myotismon: “I must find the secret to the gate. Once I understand the meaning of these cards, the key will open the lock, then I will be able to enter the path to the human world. You Digi-Destined think you’re so smart, but in reality, I am always one step ahead of you.”
You all know I’m totally on board with Sassy Myotismon, but damn, that original line is so good…
He’s almost ready to write some episode comparisons!
[The kids have infiltrated the castle and are messing around with Vamdemon’s stuff, including a padlock]
Gomamon: “How about it?”
Jou: “It’s very sturdy. In other words, this is a very important room!”
Mimi: “But isn’t this lock rusty?”
Sora: “Yeah. Couldn’t it be that this room hasn’t been used in a while?”
Gomamon: “Making any progress, Joe? “
Joe: “No. This lock’s ancient. I still can’t break it.”
Mimi: “Maybe if we had the key, it would open.”
Sora: “Yeah, and maybe if we had a cannon, we could blast our way in.”
Joe: “It’s no use!”
All right, who was in charge of bringing the cannon? Lookin’ at you, Joe…
[Jou fails to break an old lock]
Pyokomon: “Let’s look somewhere else.”
Gomamon: “Let’s go, Jou.”
Jou: “I thought this was the place for sure…”
Yokomon: “Maybe there’s another way in.”
Sora: “Let’s check.”
Gomamon: “Joe, let’s go.”
Joe: “How come I never get to be the hero?” *sigh*
Because you always forget to bring the cannon!
[Taichi and Agumon are walking across a bridge, and they spot Koushirou and Tentomon “below”]
Taichi: “Koushiro? You guys were searching below us?”
Tentomon: “That’s an weird thing to say. Aren’t you the ones who are below us?”
Agumon: “No, where you are is below!”
Koushirou: “No, you and Taichi are below.”
[They’re on opposite vertical sides of the same bridge]
Koushirou: “… Why…?!”
Tai: “Yeah, I’m up here. Have you found anything unusual down there, Izzy?”
Tentomon: “Well, you could say that, Tai. The truth is, you’re way down there and we’re up here.”
Agumon: “I think you guys may need glasses. We’re way up here above you.”
Izzy: “But there’s no way! … That’s scientifically impossible!”
Izzy, you wouldn’t know “scientifically impossible” if it walked up and bit you in the face.
… which is scientifically impossible…
[Back to Vamdemon]
Vamdemon: “The time is ripe. The minions – gather them in the stone room.”
Myotismon: “I’m ready to proceed. Go now, and tell our forces that no sacrifice is too great in this moment of glory.”
“Also, tell them to come to the stone room. That’s kind of important; I could have told them the other thing myself…”
[Tailmon and PicoDevimon depart]
Vamdemon: “I’ve made preparations to open the Gate for the sake of my goals… but to think they will be useful now…”
Myotismon: “There’s certainly no need to tell them that they won’t be sharing in the rewards! I hold all the cards, and they are no longer a mystery now…”
Uh… they’re not out of the room yet.
Vamdemon: “First comes the eighth Chosen Child. I’ll build my great ambitions upon your corpse!”
Myotismon: “All I need to do is to find the DigiDestined eighth child.”
First stop on our sight-seeing tour!
[The Chosen Children reconvene and discuss their bizarre gravitational findings]
Koushirou: “It’s very strange here. The airspace must be warped.”
Izzy: “My theory is Myotismon has set up these optical illusions to deter us from finding the gate.”
You want to know what my theory is?
Taichi: “This isn’t the first time this world’s been weird.”
Tai: “Well, I’d say he succeeded. We’re still as lost as we were before we started!”
Okay, fine. I’ll take that as a “no”…
Yamato: “Even so, this is especially weird. Maybe because Vamdemon’s power is strong…”
Jou: “Don’t say that…”
Matt: “All we’ve done so far is go round and round in circles, and we don’t know up from down!”
Joe: “It’s making me dizzy!”
So, if Joe threw up over the ledge there…
[Gomamon hears someone coming]
*Staying quiet to NOT get caught while they’re infiltrating Bad Guy Town?*
Joe: “You sure?”
Gomamon: “You doubt me?”
I doubt you, Gomamon! ♡
To include Gomamon’s asinine “you doubt me?”, the dub replays the footage of Joe and Gomamon’s brief exchange. It was useless, and I wish I hadn’t seen it.
When we see the shadows of soldiers heading for the stone room, the dub adds in this exchange:
SomeRandomon: “I’m itching for a fight!”
SomeOtherRandomon: “Why? ‘coz you got fleas?”
Starting to get a little concerned at the number of unwashed and/or flea-infested characters in this adaptation…
Yamato: “They’re getting ready to leave.”
Matt: “They seem to know where they’re going.”
Yeah. They work here, Matt.
[The shadowy figures reach their destination]
Vamdemon: “Listen closely! Your target is the eighth Chosen Child! Find them, and end their life! Shroud everything in darkness and the powers of darkness!“
Myotismon: “I shall now be embarking on a journey to another world. There are forces which must be neutralized before our victory here can be complete. But never fear; I shall return in triumph.”
Uh… they… they’re going with you. You gathered the army to take with you. We paid the extra baggage fees and everything – those are non-refundable…
Vamdemon: “Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius!”
Myotismon: “It’s time to stand back and watch me work my magic. Open the gate to my destiny!”
Is the magic taking the army with you?! You HAVE to take them with you; we can’t get those deposits back!
[Enter the Chosen Children!]
Vamdemon: “You’re finally here, but it’s too late. Look well upon this historic moment!”
Myotismon: “What is your name? Do you work for me? Can’t you see I’m busy at the moment?”
I DO work for you, and I’m telling yo– oh, you were talking to those kids. The ones you saw last night. Yeah, they’re not on our payroll.
Vamdemon’s incantation, Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius, is the title of a short story by Jorge Luis Borges of Argentina. I guess it’s the cards’ favorite short story, or at least it’s their favorite title.
[The Chosen Children make their presence known]
Vamdemon: “Unfortunately, I don’t have time to deal with you myself. PicoDevimon?”
Vamdemon: “Take care of them.”
Myotismon: “DemiDevimon, would you please take care of this annoying gang of hoodlums? I have better things to do.”
DemiDevimon: “Of course, sir! Anything you want! I’m at your service!”
Myotismon finally seems to be coming down off of drinking too much soda, but it’ll still be a few minutes before he sobers up, as evidenced by him sending DemiDevimon to take care of anything.
[Taichi et al are are stopped by PicoDevimon and his recruits]
Taichi: “You think you can win this time?”
Tai: “Fat chance, you little twerp.”
Okay, that was just uncalled for.
PicoDevimon: “This isn’t like last time!” *to Nanimon* “Teacher, if you please!”
DemiDevimon: “I brought reinforcements! It’s all yours, Nanimon!”
[Vamdemon gets in his carriage thing and shuts the door]
Taichi: “Don’t get in our way!”
Myotismon: “Farewell, DigiDoomed.”
Ha-HA, gotcha with the “DigiDoomed”!
Vamdemon doesn’t say anything before or as he shuts the door, and there’s a door-shutting sound effect that isn’t carried over in the dub. It’s not a big deal, but the scene is kinda weird when you’re expecting the door-shutting sound.
Gabumon hasn’t said anything in a while, and I almost forgot he has a weird, old man voice.
[The Chosen Digimon have evolved and scare the nonexistent pants off the soldiers]
Nanimon: “H-Hey! You guys! Fleeing in front of the enemy is a felony!”
Numemon: “You didn’t even give us food!”
Sukamon: “We’d rather go make an honest living!”
Nanimon: “I order everyone back at your ranks… Come on! I’ll buy you dinner!”
Sukamon: “No, no! We’re going for some fast food!”
Oof, shot down. We’ll all been there, buddy.
Nanimon: “H-Hey…! Surrender! I surrender!”
PicoDevimon: “Teacher, not that!”
Nanimon: “Shut up! It’s true that the tough survive on the battlefield… But if being tough is all you’ve got, you won’t survive! Running away is also considered a victory!”
Nanimon: “Wow. Y- yo- you’re big… … Anybody need a wrestling coach?”
DemiDevimon: “Hey! You can’t resign!”
Nanimon: “You wanna bet, pipsqueak? When it comes down to having my fanny kicked, I’m outta here! If you don’t believe me, you might check the fine print on my contract!”
All right, let’s see here… *dons reading glasses*
It’s just a drawing of a butt and the words, “peace out, bitches”. Who signed off on this?
For our readers not in the USA: “fanny” means “butt” in this country. Nanimon is not concerned about getting his vulva kicked.
[Nanimon deposits a poo on PicoDevimon’s head, and PicoDevimon is left to fight on his own]
PicoDevimon: “Th-This isn’t fair! It’s one against five!”
Takeru: “Hey, let’s hurry and get rid of this guy and go on ahead.”
PicoDevimon: “F-for someone like you to say that… Damnit! How could this happen to me?!”
Demidevimon: “I’m outnumbered. Good help is so hard to find!”
T.K.: “Just admit you picked the wrong side and give it a rest already!”
Demidevimon: “If you’re trying to frighten me, it won’t work!” *cries*
(2 sec) After PicoDevimon’s teary-eyed lament, he fires off a round of Pico Darts, which Patamon blocks with Air Shot.
(4 sec) After that, Tailmon pops in to assist, but there are needles everywhere and she isn’t wearing any shoes, so that gets cut. Then Jou mistakes her small stature as meaning she’s harmless and tries to shoo her away, so she kindly corrects his error by kicking the shit out of the Chosen Digimon, which is where the dub picks up.
Tailmon looks adorable when she’s kicking the shit out of them.
The dub adds Gatomon’s “that was too easy!” and stupid laugh when Togemon and Garurumon try to fight back.
Then she introduces our new friend, Devidramon!
Narrator: “Devidramon: known as “the multiple-eyed demon”, an Evil Dragon Digimon. Their nails can tear through flesh and kill enemies from a long distance. Their special attack is Crimson Nail.”
Gatomon: “Devidramon: he’s one nasty dragon and guardian of the gate. Devi doesn’t like losing, and if you want a real surprise, look into his eyes – you’ll be hypnotized!”
Well, that IS a surpriMUST KILL THE EIGHTH DIGIDESTINED
… Wait a minute, hypnosis can’t make people do what they aren’t willing to do…
…aw, shit, do I WANT to kill the eighth DigiDestined?
Crimson Nail is not named in the dub, and Devidramon’s roar goes from its original deep and guttural terror to high-pitched and baby raptor-like. It’s kind of adorable.
Chiku-chiku Bang Bang is “had enough? Needle Spray!” She’s so considerate for asking!
[The Devidramon light up their eyes and perform the aforementioned hypnosis, which, it turns out, is more like eyeball-induced paralysis]
Ikkakumon: “I can’t move!”
Ikkakumon: “Huh? I’m starting to feel really weird.”
Damnit, how did everyone get a hold of that soda?!
After the fade-out for adverts, the dub reverses and replays the Devidramon growling (sounding weirder and cuter each time they do it) and the shots of Ikkakumon, Kabuterimon, and Greymon being hypno-paralysed.
[PicoDevimon cheers, and Togemon charges but then doesn’t actually do anything]
PicoDevimon: (cheering) “Good, good, good! Do it, do it, do it!”
Togemon: “We’re still standing!”
Demidevimon: “How about that for some awesome fighting? We got you beat by a mile!”
Togemon: “You haven’t won yet!”
Tai: “The gate’s closing!”
[PicoDevimon makes a break for the gate, but Patamon blocks him]
PicoDevimon: “Oh, I’m gonna be late…”
DemiDevimon: “Move it, you flying bean bag, I’m going through!”
… he does look a little like a bean bag…
[The Children are blocked, and Greymon charges the Devidramon]
Greymon: “Come to papa, lizard-breath!”
There was a “four-eyes” joke right there, and you just passed it up…
The dub is on to something, because just look at how weirdly cute these Devidramon are!
[Greymon is conflicted about Devidramon’s cuddle]
Greymon: “Go through it!”
[Greymon is over his conflicted feelings and super-evolves to Metal Greymon]
Taichi: “Way to go!”
Tai: “You’re the man!”
To add insult to the injury that is Tai saying “you’re the man”, “Hey, Digimon” starts playing as the substitute for Brave Heart again.
[MetalGreymon murders the sweet Devidramon and reverts to Koromon]
Taichi: “Thanks, Koromon! Let’s go, everyone!”
Matt: “He did it! It’s clear sailing from here!”
Now that you’ve said that, nothing can go wrong! C’mon, everybody! Let’s get through that gate!”
[Patamon is holding PicoDevimon back from going through the gate]
Patamon: “Everyone, hurry!”
DemiDevimon: “All right! Get your mitts offa’ me!”
Oh my cod, those are mitts. That’s so cute!
[Patamon is now smacked off of PicoDevimon by Tailmon]
Taichi: “Hurry up!”
Tailmon: “I can’t let you all just pass!”
Tai: “Get back! Get out of our way!”
Gatomon: “Sorry, but you’re too late! I’ll miss you in Japan!”
Maybe try “please” next time, Tai.
[Tailmon has awakened more Devidramon cuties and slammed the doors in Taichi’s face]
Taichi: “N-no way…”
Sora: “It was only a little further!”
*Taichi bangs on the door*
Taichi: “SHIT! DAMNIT! At this rate, the eighth child…”
Tai: “Oh no!”
Sora: “This can’t be happening!”
*Tai bangs on the door*
Tai: “NO! Open up! Open! It can’t be!” *either sobs or laughs – it’s hard to tell*
And once again, the DigiDestined are thwarted by doors. That is a very unusual weakness to have.
Finally, an episode with some good, old-fashioned, all-American censorship! Nanimon’s drunken reverie (and astonishingly quick sobering-up) is changed to carbonation intoxication and high blood sugar, necessitating a later visit to his general practitioner. DemiDevimon’s Demi Darts are back to wherever he pulls them from, as the studio apparently has no problem with him throwing needles, but rather only with seeing the needles after they’re thrown. Gatomon’s voice, while cute, will wear out its welcome, but the Devidramons’ adorable baby raptor voices will live on in our hearts.